I feel like a wannabe

Haha, the amazing normal weight anorexic! I don’t care that I’ve been diagnosed. That my heart rate is something like 42. That I don’t have my period. That i lost 50 pounds. I must be a wannabe. I eat too much. I think about food all the time. I’ve made up excuse after excuse to not exercise. I want to curl up and die.

What am I recovering from? Something I never really had? Screw it. Just screw it. Things were easier with just 100 calories a day being too freaking much. Things were better. I lost lots of weight. I felt better. And now I’m a freaking pig. A wannarexic who hates food and makes herself eat. Yeah, I make myself eat. How gross is that? It feels so awful. I don’t think I’m ready for better yet. I want to be thin. I want to disappear. I want to die. i want to be the girl people point at and say “She needs a sammich!”

125 pounds. 5′3. Can’t be anorexic. They must be mistaken. 40% of girls my height and weight are thinner than that. I’m normal. I HATE NORMAL.