URGH I HATE THIS

I hate myself. Really. I am fat and jiggly and ugly and generally useless. I’m afraid to go back to work. I don’t want to eat tomorrow. If it weren’t for the inevitable metabolic crash, I would definitely fast. Definitely. I’ve gone from at least 800 calories to 800 or less, and that’s way too freaking much. I eat too much crap. Do you have nay idea how much sugar I probably ate today between the freaking high fructose corn syrup in my yogurt (what the hell?) and the sugar in my cereal and the piece of chocolate I ate? Too much. And two days in a row with cake? Munchkins? Am I freaking INSANE?! If getting better is THIS HELLISH than damn it I want to at least get THIN first. No more of this crap; I can’t freaking handle it. I hate the way my thighs jiggle when I walk, how every pair of jeans makes them look like sausages. I’m not healthy anyway. Why be unhealthy and fat when I can be unhealthy and thin?

I don’t know if I can hold on to this “recovery” thing. It just seems like such bullshit today.